Did I Call You Fat?

I frequently say things that have a double meaning and, of course, am oblivious to my words' possible inference. An example: one day at work I said "Hi-ho" to J, just as the miners do in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I received an odd look and then the comment, "Did you just call me a whore?" Doh'. Didn't mean that. So sorry.

Well, the other day I had a good one. Ji and I were driving and I noticed that she had some big circular earrings. This is a common style for J. The conversation was as follows:

Me: Are those new earrings?

Ji: Yep.

Me: I like them. They look like you. Big and round.

-pause-

Ji: Are you calling me fat?!

Yeah, definitely didn't mean that. Luckily Ji knows that and just found the whole thing to be funny. Phew.

Which Competition Is This?

I went swing dancing on Friday; not an unusual thing. I love the sport. That evening I wore a wrap-around, jersey-knit dress and looked dern cute. A partner and I entered an endurance competition for fun. An endurance competition starts with music of average tempo. The tempo gets faster as the dancing continues, and faster and faster and faster. If you poop out, you take yourself out. If you lose beat or lack energy then a judge will tap you out. The music just keeps going until only one couple remains. My partner and I were left with only one other couple. After a while, my partner pooped out. My first thought was, "Ah, bummer, we could have beaten them!" My second thought was, "Oh well, that was fun." I turned to my partner, thanked him and said 'good job, that was a long time, you are awesome…' with other similar comments. Then I turned a little further and saw myself in the mirror…with a completely opened dress! My inside tie came undone, apparently. There was a safety pin at the top to keep it closed…but that turned out to be the only part to remain so! Pretty sure that's why my partner stopped. Oh, thank you!

After telling my Dad the story…and then waiting for the laughing to cease, he made the comment, "So, you didn't win the endurance comp, but sounds like you won the striptease." Ha. Thanks DadJ

Bye Bye BVDs…and Victoria Secret

Well, I finally made the mistake I hoped, and was convinced, I would not make. Every day for the past four months I put on work-out clothes, get on my bike and peddle to work. At work I take a shower (which, as a side note, was finally fixed two weeks ago and now runs hot rather than…freezing; subsequently, my showers are now longer than 14 seconds) and then put on regular clothes that I packed in a back-pack. For four months I have followed this routine with very few mess-ups. Sometimes, because I do not shower as frequently at home, I realize at work that it has been too long since shaving my legs or washing my hair. This is not totally unusual for my life and therefore not too bothersome. I have forgotten my shoes and end up wearing my white sneakers, which aren't completely flattering, but o-well.

Today? Today. Today I got out of the shower and realized I didn't bring my unders. Oops. I was actually surprised that it took me so long before committing this blunder. With a laugh I put on my jeans. Commando it is. That feels weird, yet free, in a way. Oh bother. The bra. Yeah, that was forgotten, too. I suppose this is a situation in which I can feel blessed that I am as a flat as a man. Except for the vacancy, nothing looked awkward with just my camisole and sweater. You see, when I say as flat as a man, I do not mean the athletic man with pecks, nor do I mean the heavy man with moobs, no, I mean the scrawny man that has a chest the same shape as a board. All I can say is, it's a good thing padded bras were invented (notice that I did not say push-up bras, those are useless). Well, a good thing until I forget to wear it. I doubt anyone noticed. Rarely do people notice when things are missing, chests included.